My Marriage is Stuck!
According to Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on the dynamics of marriage, couples “stay stuck” on ONE basic issue 69% of the time. In other words, 69% of their arguments revolve around one issue. This one issue NEVER gets resolved and does major damage to the relationship, keeping it stuck, disconnected and unsafe.
STOP ASSUMING THE WORST ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE
The Bible tells us in Romans 12:18 (NIV) “If it is possible as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” You can pray and ask for “new eyes to see your spouse.” Try to see them as an innocent party who is not purposely trying to hurt you. Don’t automatically jump to the conclusion that your spouse is your worst enemy whose mission in life is to hurt you deeply.
SET THE TONE FOR YOUR EVENING
Did you know (proven statistic) that your attitude sets the tone for the rest of the evening within 15 seconds of walking in the door! You may be thinking you don’t do much for your family. It’s the little things that are going to improve your home…not the big family vacation or the biggest, latest and most expensive toy. Walking into your home with an attitude of peace and joy on a daily basis will be the biggest gift you can give to those you love. Don’t be the person that every family member dreads to see walking in the door. Don’t be the one that your spouse has to worry about what kind of mood they are in those first 15 seconds of your arrival.
STOP TAKING YOUR SPOUSE FOR GRANTED
I think of how many grieving spouses sitting in my office wish they had just one more minute, one more hour with their deceased loved one. Again, they are not mourning the loss of that big vacation. They are missing the conversation, the daily connection. Learn to create a habit of reunion every day with your spouse. Some suggestions for this reunion are:
- The 6-second Kiss
John Gottman once did a worldwide study with couples from many nations who said they had a great sex life. The common denominator was they kissed every day for at least 6 seconds!
- Two Minutes of Meaningful Conversation
Again, it’s the little things! These connected couples made it a point every day to ask how each other’s heart was and then listened to the answer.
One couple with a great connected marriage made it a point every day to reconnect with a dance move. Somedays it was a jivey fun thing. Other days it was a beautiful waltz sashay. They even danced by Face Time when he was out of town!
Download the Marriage Fondness Quiz
This is a great resource to begin seeing the positive characteristics of your spouse and have fun seeing the best in them.
More Gottman resources are on www.gottman.com
Read more A’nesis Blog articles here