The most common issue I see with my clients is about why people won’t change or don’t change.

“Why won’t my husband change?”
“Why doesn’t my wife change?”
“Why won’t my child change?”
“Why do I keep making the same choices? How do I change?”

Change seems to be the biggest reason clients are frustrated, unhappy, and even depressed and angry. If only…someone or something would change.

If what is happening works for a person, they do not see a need to change
Human beings are creatures of habit so if they aren’t experiencing pain from a situation they will not be motivated to change. If your grown son is living on your couch and you are picking up his dirty dishes, why oh why would he be motivated to change? His life works for him, right?

No person is ever transformed by someone else’s pain
You may have pain seeing your living room cluttered with trash while your grown son is deeply engrossed in his video game. He does not see a need to pick up his filth, he is fine.  It is YOU who is in pain so why should he change?

If you are desperate for a person in your life to change, I would encourage you to read the story of the prodigal son. (Luke 15:11-32) The son wasn’t motivated by his father’s pain. It was only when the stench in the pigpen got to be too much that he chose to change his environment.

People don’t think they can change
Underneath the desire to change lurks a strong fear and belief system that change is impossible because a person is too flawed. Maybe once or twice in their past, they actually tried to change and were met with rejection.

Understanding that God is the expert on change and that He will fight our battles and help us is incredibly important for the person who feels helpless and hopeless to change. God changes not, yet His mercies are new every single morning.

Change is about changing spiritually, from the inside out. Seeking to embrace God’s Truth internally can motivate us and help us to move from being paralyzed to starting the journey one step at a time to change. Change doesn’t have to be scary or intimidating. The process can actually be empowering once we start from God’s perspective.

“For we are God’s workmanship (masterpiece), created IN CHRIST to do good works…” Ephesians 2:10a (NIV).