Already only 15 days into the New Year and I’ve had to learn a lesson…a.k.a. “heard from God.” I was at a “crossroads” as to how to proceed with what I call my “passionate, money-pit, hobby.” Many of you know in the secular world I promote the subject of grief after abortion. This message is an attempt to help women needing permission to grieve this culturally volatile subject and soul-shaming event that clouds the identity of so many women in our culture.
I’ve put so much time and effort into a little piece that “God told me to write.” Yes, time, effort and oh did I mention money? If you are an Al Gore or other famous politician you can make millions writing a book. Little people like me…not so much! If you have a book in your head you want to write, be prepared to consider it an expensive hobby much like re-building an old car or taking up golf.
So again this week I was at a crossroads. I did everything free I could do in an effort to do some promoting for the week of January 22, 2014. An opportunity came along that I wanted to take advantage of. Trouble is …it cost $1450.00. I wrestled and wrangled. I could easily grab my “plastic money” and use it. Yet there was a hesitation…I could find no peace in that simple solution. Finally, the answer of me “letting go” and “letting God” did come, but not without a lot of mental and emotional wrestling on my part.
This morning these wise words came to me: “if my present agenda is making me hesitate—is it really for Him? If I’m not willing to change directions, is that a sign that I’ve now claimed my activities—my life—as my own? Am I living for God—or for me?”
God showed me…the hesitation was from Him. He did not let me jump into my easy, quick fix without a fight. The peace that passes all understanding flooded my soul. I was overwhelmed that we have such a good, good Daddy that He restrains our decisions when they are heading in the wrong direction. It’s a great thing to fall into the hands of the living Lord! I can only hope and pray he will keep me hesitating as I take pause to hear His voice in the midst of every ounce of my life!